To Do vs. To Be

     Have you ever had that morning when you wake up and realize that you are not the person you want to become and everything you are busy doing all day long is not getting you any closer? I've had that morning before.
      A couple weekends ago I went to my stake's Women's Conference. I loved the class I went to called "To Do vs. to Be". One idea that really stood out to me (it was my little Aha! moment) was my "To Do" list. I hope you don't mind me sharing, I've been thinking about it ever since. My list might look like this...
To Do:
Exercise
Laundry
Clean Bathrooms
Make Bread
Grocery shopping
Check e-mail
Write family missionary
Make dinner
      These are all good things These are things that I can't wait to check off my list because then I feel accomplished. The cooking, cleaning, errands are all part of normal, every day life. However, here is the person I want to become...

To Be: (in no particular order, and just a few of the many things I would like to be)
Healthy and physically fit
Educated- knowledgeable
Spiritual- firm in testimony
Loving mom
Devoted wife
Happy, friendly, outgoing, bubbly
Disciplined, Diligent
      When I compared my lists I realized that those things I busily run around all day long doing to add some checks to my list, won't contribute to me becoming that woman, mom, and wife I want to become.
      This is the tough part. The grocery shopping and cooking still needs to be done- we eat a lot around here! I still want my house to be clean. There are errands that will still have to be run. And I rarely get everything done that is on my list for one day. I think it may have something to do with the putting of rocks and sand in a jar analogy. If you put the sand in first and then try to stuff the rocks in on top, it won't all fit. However, if you first put in the rocks (the most important things, my To Be) then pour the sand (errands, etc) over top, it fits!
      "Some uses of individual and family time are better, and others are best. We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families" (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "Good, Better, Best," Oct. 2007).
      I've discovered that if I make this "To Be" list for myself, then use it when I write my "To Do" list, it helps me prioritize. I decide that going to the store can wait for another day. That some things aren't as important and I don't need to wear myself out trying to get it all done. That two of the most important things to strengthen myself personally is to exercise and read my scriptures. It has always been that way for me, if I get those two things in, I feel very good about myself, and then I can go on to being a better person, mom, and wife. So I put those rocks in very first, before Bridger wakes up.

      Last conference, Elder Robbins said: "To BE and To DO are inseparable. Many of us create to do lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish. But people rarely have to be lists. Why? To do’s are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. To be, however, is never done. You can’t earn check marks with to be’s. I can take my wife out for a lovely evening this Friday, which is a to do. But being a good husband is not an event; it needs to be part of my nature—my character, or who I am.
      "Or as a parent, when can I check a child off my list as done? We are never done being good parents. ...
      "BE begets DO and it the motive behind DO..."
      I want to enjoy all the little moments. I want to be in the moment when I am reading to Bridger. Instead of hurrying to read a couple books as I'm thinking of the dishes that need to be done, I want to be able to focus on the fun things he is learning. I want to be in those moments when Devin is home for lunch and be a good wife.
      “. . . The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night.
      “I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.” -Anna Quindlen, Newsweek columnist
      Sorry about my little (long) sermon here. I figure though that God has given us a whole life time to become the person he wants us to become. I'm working on it. Hopefully someday I can figure it out.

Links:
Elder Dallin H Oaks "Good, Better, Best"
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf "Of Things That Matter Most"
Elder Lynn Robbins conference talk: "What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?"