Book Review: Bringing Up Bebe

      I finished my book by Pamela Druckerman, "Bringing Up Bebe".  It had many interesting ideas.  I can't say if I'd completely recommend it because I borrowed my friends copy which was edited, so there were words and paragraphs and one whole section blacked out that I didn't read (I think due to language or not being consistent with LDS standards).
This is my review on what I did read...
      In essence, this book is about a woman who moved to France and realized that French children are much better behaved than most American kids she had met.  She made it her mission, and the subject of this book, to find out what French parents do differently to produce such well behaved children.
      There are ideas I really liked and some I didn't agree with at all. 
Some of the things I did like:

• Instead of "disciplining" their children they say they are "educating" them.  The reason I discipline is to teach my kids proper behavior.  I like the idea of "educating" instead because the word instead implies teaching, where as disciplining implies punishing.
• French parents understand that children can learn to behave and they treat them like little humans who can make good choices.  They also know their children will listen when they are told "no".
• They believe in having a "cadre", a strict frame (guiding rules) which keeps children feeling secure within their boundaries.  Within this frame they are permissive, allowing children to do as they choose and "discover" the world.  (Opposed to the idea of micromanaging children's lives).
• Children are expected to greet adults.  They say "hello" and "goodbye" with the same emphasis as saying "please" and "thank you".
• They serve three meals a day and one snack called "gouter" at 4pm.  This is observed all through France and they don't snack in between.  This makes it so kids are hungry when it is meal time and not full on snacks.
• Meals are served in courses. Vegetables are served first. Children are expected to eat the same food as the adults and at least try a bite of everything.  French kids aren't picky eaters.
• Children spend a lot of time with their parents in the kitchen.  They help cook.  There is a yogurt cake with easy measurements that young children can do with little guidance.  Pamela watched a friend's three year old spooning batter into a muffin tin, all on her own.  (I have since been trying to include Bridger in helping me cook and it is so much better!  Instead of him trying to get my attention the whole time I'm cooking, his job is to dump out the measured ingredients.  He loves to help!)
• Children are taught patience.  They know not to interrupt their parents.  They wait their turn.
• Starting when children are babies, parents pause before jumping in to rescue a crying child.  During "the pause" they are able to observe what the baby is communicating.

What I didn't like about French Parenting:
      French mothers are very focused on getting their "identity" back.  "Parisians" don't get fat after having kids.  They don't breastfeed because it is unsexy.  They are soon back to being working, sexy women, with a life of their own.  Their kids attend "creche" which is essentially a (free) government promoted day care, where parents drop their babies off when they go to work.  (After they graduate from the creche they go on to preschool and continue on with something similar for each age group.) "Mom" is not a title they flaunt.  Parents are authority figures and strict.  Pamela says she has never seen a mom playing on a playground with their kids, they sit on a bench a chat with other moms.
     
      Though I think it is important to find some sense of "self" after having children, "Mom" is a title I chose when I chose to have kids.  I enjoy playing and being silly with my kids.  I prefer to be the one teaching my children, hanging out with them all day, and loving them in the way only a mother can.  I want the best for my children, which means being there myself, to ensure they are being taught appropriately.  I try to strike a balance with keeping my sense of self engaged and also being the best mom I can for my kids.
      She makes a lot of generalizations about American parenting that isn't true to the way I do things at my house, and she names specific ideas French which I have read in American parenting books.  However, it is always nice to have more ideas to add to the pool.  I liked this book and found it interesting and a fairly fast read.  If you read it, don't be surprised by some sketchy paragraphs that haven't been edited out of the library's copy. :)