Kramer loves Devin. He really loves him. He calls Devin his "big brother" or "the boss". He looks up to him. When Devin is home from work and out in the yard, he is followed around everywhere by his obsessive friend. And Devin plays along and is so nice to him... He'll let him borrow his tools, his leaf blower, he'll listen to him talk, and just today he raced him on our bicycles (Devin on his bike, Kramer on mine) twice around our neighborhood loop.
Whenever Devin isn't home, Kramer comes knocking asking when he will be home.
"Is Devin home?"
(No, not right now.)
"NO? Why not?"
(He's working)
"That's not good... When will he be home?"
Our Kramer likes to talk, "I'm a socializable guy" he'll say. So when Devin isn't home and I am home, I see a lot of him. He is always popping my bubble as he has no regard for personal space. He gets so close and when I step back he steps forward two steps more. Its best to keep walking if possible to avoid his rank tobacco breath. I hear a lot from him too. Our conversations are very much one sided, with an occasional comment, "uh huh", or nod from me.
His topics are wide and varied: Devin's motorcycles, and do I think Devin will sale one to him when he earns some money; Saddam Hussein; the angels on his shoulders; his brother; his awesome headset he bought for $300; his plight with his ex; and when he wrote a letter to the President... He talks like the energizer bunny, repeating himself often, and not usually making a whole lot of sense.
"I'm on a lot of meds" ... "They say I'm mentally disabled. Do you think I am? In this whole time we've been talking did you understand what I was saying?"
Me: "Sure. I understand you."
Okay, maybe I lied, a little bit, but the biggest smile spread across his face. I made his day when I said that.
No matter what else he might say, he always he talks about Devin. Our Kramer loves Devin. He tells me this daily.
He knows Devin's good qualities.
"He's real tall!" ...
"Do you know Devin has never drank a beer or smoked a cigarette?"
(Yes)
"No you didn't. How did you know that!?" ...
"My mom is always praying for Devin's family. She prays in Muslim and she prays for Devin because he works so hard and he is my good friend, and he has never drunk a beer or smoked a cigarette." ...
His infatuation with Devin knows no bounds.
Kramer has his good points too. He is someone that is always there, always looking out for when you get home. Always excited to see you. He like playing with the kids and he loves Sawyer, he's always calling him his "little buddy". And he let's Myra drive his pink Corvette.
Kramer lives at home with his mom and a brother, and he has a cute daughter that only visits on the weekends, but she is Myra's age and they are friends.
And if he thinks you are really cool (like Devin) he might make up a secret handshake for you to share. Everyone wishes they had a neighbor like our Kramer.
One sunny afternoon we were all out riding bikes... Sawyer on his trike, Bridger and Myra zooming around our cul-de-sac on their little bikes and me trailing on my bike, when our Kramer wanted to come and join us. He didn't have his own bike, so he borrowed Devin's.
Whenever I get a knock on the door I always expect to see Kramer. Usually he knocks and then presses his face up to the window to stare in at us. Two or three times a day... sometimes six or seven... ten...
Our Kramer loves Devin.
If he's not coming over to check in on Devin he might be coming over to borrow our leaf blower, or to see if Bruce can play with his dog Chewy. The only problem with borrowing things/Bruce out to him is that I know I will get another visit from him about ten minutes later when he returns to give me an "updation" on how it went."Yeah Bruce and Chewy, they're over there lying down. Do you think that's okay? They're just lying right there."
Once he told me how he keeps fistfuls of dog food in each hand he feeds to either dog, and then he switches it so they'll get each other's saliva and they'll be friends for life. "They play together, they eat together, they use the bathroom together... They are good buddies."
"I like you M'am... I don't like you like that because you're Devin's wife, but I like you. You're a real nice person. I feel good when I'm over here." Usually he calls me M'am, or Devin's wife. Today he started calling me Mrs. Poulton. I like that. He doesn't know my name, and I don't tell him. Often times he will come over and pray for "Devin's family". Just there on my doorstep, or outside in the yard, he'll send up a prayer for us.
"Remember you chose me on Christmas. I'm your chosen one so we will always be friends." What I thought was a neighborly gesture, a Christmas plate of cookies (one of many we delivered) was an endearing point of friendship to him.
He appreciates any listening ear. His mom appreciates us too, and from time to time she will just drop off a store bought package of goodies.
If you stop by our house, it's likely you will get to meet him. You might get waylaid conversation, or you might get a shout out from him as he is peacing out, driving slow circles in his pink corvette. If this happens, just nod to him, and keep nodding as you slowly back away.
He means well, and he is always respectful and putting out his cigarette when I ask him to. We've made some kind of impression on him though that gives him the warm fuzzies when he comes over, so I think he'll continue to come over, and I'll continue to hear speeches like this:
Kramer: "Where's Devin... Where is he? When will he be back home? ... I like Devin."
Me: "Yeah. I do too. Everyone likes Devin."
K: "Not as much as me. I like Devin a lot. I like him more than you."
Me: "Well, I married him."
K: "The ring doesn't mean anything. He loves me more. When he gets home from work he's tired and he comes out and talks to me... I love Devin. I'd cry for Devin" (tearing up)
"I love you guys!"
1 comment:
Oh my goodness, you guys are going straight to heaven for being so tolerant in that situation. Sounds like Kramer keeps your life interesting ;) ...Time to move back to Utah!
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