Homesick Pangs

      I was listening to our fast and testimony meeting in the mother's room today, (which is my normal room to hide out in when I try to get Myra to fall asleep) and I was reflecting on all the righteous examples that have influenced me over all my almost 25 years.  My parents are quite obviously on the top of my list, but I can also remember a few primary teachers, though I can't remember their names and probably would not even recognize them, I do remember that they made me feel loved and even some lessons they taught through words or their example.  I have had many favorite young women leaders and bishoprics who have left impressions on me.  The most profound impressions have come from members of my family; grandma's and grandpa's, aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings.  And when I'm on a low, I often reflect back to these people and the testimonies they have shared with me and their examples, and they always uplift and sustain me. 
       As I continue to reflect on these experiences and people I love dearly, I get homesick pangs.  I feel gratitude for having been able to travel across the country with Devin and to experience and appreciate Virginia for all it is and to meet so many great friends.  However, I still really miss home and family.
      Last summer we were spoiled to have Amy live with us, this summer Nicholas and Courtney again spoiled us when they moved in as our neighbors, and when they had to leave a part of me wished I could have packed up with them.  For me, family is where it is at.  I have talked to a lot of other friends who say that a week of family togetherness is too much and they are happy to live at a distance.  I know I am spoiled to have such a great family (including my in-laws!), and I can't get enough.  We are blessed by every visit we get and I am sad to be so far away.
      Utah is a funny topic in the Mormon sphere of Virginia.  Every young man and young woman hope and pray they will be accepted to one of the BYU's, but they only want to go to school there, they definitely don't want to live there permanently.  When I say I'm from Utah, behind the rest of the conversation, I can subtly hear them say "Oh, you are one of THOSE Mormon's", like life is all peachy for Utah Mormons and we can't appreciate what they go through out here, kind of a thing, or the other reaction is that they think Utah is so dry and yellow and brown, and most of their definitions of Utah are based off their trips to Provo and Salt Lake, they don't realize there is so much more to Utah and what they have seen is only like a drop in the bucket.
      I love Utah.  Someday, that is where I would like to be.  I realize we have several years before that time and who knows where we will really end up, but in my dreamland, I am in Utah.  Not just for a visit; I love every chance I get to visit home, but after the parties are over, I feel an awkward sense of not knowing what to do with myself.  I want to clean my house in Utah.  That is where I want to tuck my kids into bed at night.  It is where I want to kiss my husband as he leaves for work.
      I love the Wasatch Mountains that watched over me as I grew up, the brisk morning air I'd wake up to,  and the grass I could lay on to take a Sunday nap.  But it is not just the place.  There are lots of beautiful places, and Virginia, in all her green and covered with trees, has beauty in abundance.
      Utah is where I grew up.  It is where I have so many fond memories.  It is where I made my mistakes, wrecked my dad's car, went on first dates, stayed up all night and Oreo'd cars long after curfew, where I laughed so hard I cried with a dozen best friends. . .
      Most of all, Utah is where my family is, the very most important thing to me in this life.  Growing up, grandma's house was always the place to be.  It was (and still is) where all the cousins came to be loved and spoiled and very well fed.  I miss that and I want it for my kids.  I long to spend an afternoon at grandma's, then back to sleep in my own bed that same night; to send my kids up to grandma's when I want to take an evening off; to be present at all the parties and family home evening gatherings.
      With all my growing older and learning more I hope and pray I haven't outgrown those gentle, happy qualities I see in people as wonderful as my mom and grandma. Or the hard working, fun loving spirit of my dad. I am changing, my likes are expanding and preferences are changing, but I hope, at the core, I am the same.