Finding My Specks of Gold

I love this baby stage! I haven’t always been able to say that. In fact, usually I am wishing my babies would hurry up and grow! But I am finally content with my situation and I absolutely love this little baby I hold. With Bridger I was too overwhelmed, exhausted, and busy adjusting to the change of pace to enjoy him as a baby. I did better enjoying Myra, but I may have still desired to do too much too soon. But now, I have my two older kids who are so much fun. I know my baby will grow and get big. I know this baby stage won’t last forever, although now I wish it would!

Tenderly holding my tiny baby, watching him gently breathe, and the sweet smiles that briefly pass his expressions are the specks of gold that fill up my stores of treasure. I feel such peace and love as I try to soak up these precious moments. Though the background music may be the chaos of two bigger kids stomping through their domain, this tiny bundle brings a calmness to my world.

I talked on the phone with my dad while Sawyer and I were still at the hospital, and he suggested the possibility that perhaps my Grandpa Sorensen and Grandpa Tolman had the opportunity to meet little Sawyer and see him off before he entered into our family. Giving him parting advice, maybe telling him what he could expect and how he could be strong in our world, and help to bind our family together.  I don’t know if such a scenario could have taken place between heaven and the spirit world, but it is an awe inspiring thought. Generations linked together, family members that have passed taking care of family members waiting to come, and the love of a father in heaven sending comfort.

My rambling thoughts have led me to a determined desire to fully invest myself in the people around me.  I don’t want to miss this baby stage, or any stage my kids pass through while they are under my care. I want to let my family members and those I love get the best of me. Reevaluate what I want to let into our lives before I fill up my schedule with places to be, jobs to do, and getting back into the chaos of “real life”.

Having such a break from real life things has allowed me to clearly see, like the sun finding a break in the clouds and filling the world with light, how much I long to be with the VIP's in my life. The fullest of my desires is with my family and dearest friends.  It is the people around me who matter, not the things or events.

Sometimes it takes a baby to be able to see that.